So, This is what blogging is all about....

I saw some friends of mine had blogs, so thought why not do one myself? I like to write, and often have things on my mind, so I do suppose this might end up a nifty thing to do. Yes, I am a dork who uses words like "nifty"....so what? Hehehe. I doubt anyone would get enjoyment out of my blog but me anyways, but feel free to read nonetheless. SO, what to talk about? Hmmmmm, how about one of my biggest wishes (or should I say obsessions) at the moment....and that is to bring another little sweet spirit into my family. It has been a huge heartbreaking struggle, to say the least....as it's been 2 years since we started trying, and I still have no babe in my arms *sigh* Thought we had it made when I fell pregnant last March (after 14 months of trying at that time!), and boy were we ecstatic!! I had some reservations though, my gut instincts kept telling me something was wrong....I never got sick, I wasn't hormonally "extreme", I had no real signs of being pregnant aside from a positive test and seeing my babe early on on an ultrasound...quite frankly I felt pretty darn good! On the one hand I felt maybe this would just be a fantastic pregnancy, but on the other hand I just couldn't shake the feeling something would go wrong. Unfortunately my fear came to fruition when I went to the doctor at 17 weeks 4 days and no heartbeat was detected. I found my babe had stopped growing around 13 weeks and had perished. Quickly my world came crashing down on me in one huge swoop. I know supposedly I will be reunited with my babe in the afterlife, but (and you can call me selfish all you want) I wanted my baby here on Earth....I wanted to raise him or her here, not have to wait what seems like a million years....I wanted my baby WITH ME not WAITING ON ME!!! I still 6 months later want my baby with me, not waiting on me....especially since we have yet to get pregnant again. We have been trying and trying and trying....I just don't understand why God is punishing me so....what have I done so wrong to be denied this one precious thing? This I ponder daily (or should I say nightly, as most nights sleep does not come easily) I have prayed and prayed and prayed till I just don't think I can pray anymore, and the answer has yet to come....

Anyhoo, I could ramble on forever as there's so much more to be said about it, but perhaps I should save it for later. I'd be here all night otherwise (possibly longer, heh)....

I do look forward to a better time in 2008....lots of changes comin' round....lots of changes....

Please God let there be a baby in the mix somewhere *please*